So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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