i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
