we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
