dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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