Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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