You work out of a Hotel?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wish there were birth control emojis
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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