i think i have herpe
just one?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
