I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
