How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
