You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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