Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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