I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
