Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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