she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize