tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
