I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
how do you play pong handcuffed?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
