thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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