dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
