tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
