i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
