She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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