she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize