Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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