apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
