I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
