Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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