We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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