Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
