At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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