Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
