well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
