The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
