I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
