Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
