Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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