Fine. I'll sleep in my office
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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