I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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