So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
