I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
