girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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