his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
