You can't special order awesome
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
