I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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