Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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