She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
