I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
