Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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