How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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