He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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