Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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