smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the day after is always just damage control
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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