he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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