please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
