Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
