Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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