You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
