Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
