Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
