I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Watching her eat just hurts me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
