he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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