My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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