Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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