Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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