remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
