I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can text with my tongue
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
