yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
