just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize