my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
